I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
