Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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