with your own penis?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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