Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
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Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
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Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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