Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
