so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
