Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
