wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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