I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
