One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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