obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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