sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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