Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
