so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
