I must be too annoying 4 u.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
