Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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