I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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