she was so not down for the gang bang
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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