what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm like, not good at living.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
