The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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