pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
