I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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