My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
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Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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