glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
