At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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