Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
