he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
