We're facebook friends in real life
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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