Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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