I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
