the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
