i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
