I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
