Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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