ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
