ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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