When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
