I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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