You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
