you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
