I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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