i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
