Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
