The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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