Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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