Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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