I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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