toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
