Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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