If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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