My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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