ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize