Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
