oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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