If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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