Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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