1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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