I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
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Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sorry about my life...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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