Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
