I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
