Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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