We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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