When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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