How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
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i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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