Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
