Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
