Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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