She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
