I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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