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my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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