I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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