I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
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have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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